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Center for Counseling and Growth
A Place to Matter
Lowercase "t" truth: If you weren't having this hard experience, you wouldn't be growing.
mindy lamprechtMay 26, 2018growth, transformation, awareness, supportComment
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Boise, ID
2083391279
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It takes a certain kind of strength to sit quietly. And openly. What is this feeling? This aversion to my grief? This tightening in my heartspace? This familiar companion to attend to the weariness of my exhaustion? Fear. I see you there. Protecting me from dropping into the well of sorrow. “If i go there, i will never return.” Sometimes, when i can get behind you fear, i am able to approach my grief and my pain with the words, “If i don’t go there, i will never return.” So, i take the forward (inward) step. Giving myself a sturdy platform to leap from. Contained with the intimacy of my own reassuring breath and the tenderness of my soft attention, generously welcoming this world of feeling. Such a life saving move. Am i this body? Am i this past swollen over with memory? Am i these thoughts? Am i these sensations - the strangeness of feelings? Am i this awareness? Am i this reddening leaf in the youth of autumn? Am i this breath? This quiet beneath the dizziness of things shielding me from the noise of my fear and doubt? Am i the dew drop on the river hyssop quaking as the sun pours over the shadowed granite walls? Am i the grasshopper awakening with a hunger so fierce and devouring? The whole of life is here. I feel this in moments when i have the courage to be in touch, to be touched, to feel, to dare, to risk, to open, to trust, to soften, to breathe, to allow, to receive, to soar. There’s such a beautiful mystery inside. I am so grateful for this world i am. ...whatever you need is here. Lakes shimmer below like emeralds, protected by towering pines and screes of sharpened granite. Solitary against the white cloud, melting snow sings under my tired feet. Rushing valley winds distilling in my ears. Before I knew it, two threads of tears came streaming down. Accepting whatever happens like an untied boat. I can never return. I even have forgotten the way I came. I heard sadness cannot be driven away. I did not think it was true. So, yesterday morning, I pushed it back. Today, it returned and tangled me up. Months end but sadness does not. Years are renewed and so is sadness. Who would guess that under my Wisteria hat, there is a person beyond form and a sadness this old? I am... He tasted the elixir of being at a loss...he could no longer make any sense of his own essential things (that had never brought him joy); he could feel them fleeing away from him; yet he did not snatch at them in despair. Instead, he touched his body and looked around, full of breath, and felt, “Here I am, and now.” And did not become panicky [P. Goodman]. ここで私は今 “...angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night...who loaned it through the streets of Idaho seeking visionary Indian angels who were visionary Indian angels...(from Howl, A. Ginsberg); Pride, Boise 2019 Let the mystery of my joy and sorrow intertwine.

Logan M. Lamprecht, Ph.D., LCPC  ~  logan@centerforcounselingandgrowth.com  ~  208.339.1279  ~  Boise, Idaho 83713

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